Basileia

In the gospel of Mark Jesus performs many healing miracles. His distinct combination of healing power and the holy power of God together create a word in the Greek text: Basileia, pronounced Bah-sill-lay-ah. First of all the word is feminine. Secondly the definition: "royal power, dominion, kingship, and rule" set the stage for the heart of what the gospel's will teach: life, wholeness, surrender, and kingdom. The bottom line here is : healing power translates love to humans, and that is the primary way that God loves his people.


Jesus carries this unique power of healing and authority wherever he walks. Throughout the gospels many encounter this power and experience the transformation of their minds and bodies as a result of contact with Him/it. 


In the Christian faith it is remarkable how little healing takes place as a common/daily expectation of living a life as a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus talks about living as "salt of the earth". (Matthew 5:13) He speaks frequently about standing out from the rest of the world.  This reference to standing out. Is largely accomplished by healing. The kind of healing that is done out of love and power. 

Trees of Life

"And out of the ground the Lord God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." (Genesis 2:9)


This week I asked the women to draw, paint, or color 'Trees of Life'


Each woman explained her tree to symbolize where she was in her life/recovery.

This tree represents, new life, overcoming past. Note the artist drew a heart of varying colors to the right of the tree, rather than illustrating an engraving on the tree. Also note that instead of initials the heart is split into two colors:purple: the color of royalty and blue: the color of hope, new beginnings, water, and life. 

The artist of this beautiful "klimt"-like tree had to leave early, and was unable to speak about her creative choices.

The artist of this tree explained the simplicity of the tree to be her "fresh", "clean", new start at life. This particular woman has been in prison for a long period of time prior to her release, just recently. She described the tear drop shaped dark spot at the center of the trunk to symbolize her past, the dark places she once lived in. She stated that they will always be the 'heart' of who she is, but that she is overcoming that life in exchange for a new life, a better life. She remarked that the picture was a remarkable resemblance to that of a female figure. 

This tree is mine. Although, it looks more like an evening tree, or a tree of sadness than a tree of life, I enjoyed coloring it. And, it reminds me of a tree at dusk in Autumn. The colors remind me of the relaxing cool breeze that accompanies such a sight. In these quaint moments, I feel more alive, and grateful for it, than ever!

Pain

For the past two weeks I have been severely ill. Severe: "Very great; intense: Demanding great ability, skill, or resilience"



I choose this word very purposefully as it describes not only the level of physical challenges, but also best summarizes the spiritual/mental/emotional challenges that have been simultaneously presented to me these past few weeks. 


Through a series of complications post wisdom teeth extraction including the painful throbbing of dry socket, an infection and a mouth filled with canker soars, I experienced the most physically painful two weeks of my life. I was not expecting to be laid up in intense pain for two weeks and was utterly unprepared for the physical torture of tooth pain. As the weeks bled one into the other I was stunned that so many complications and conditions were possible, one right after the other. 


I want to take a moment to acknowledge the mental challenges of physical pain which are rarely discussed. Though I have experienced personally few extreme physical ailments, I have know many who have experienced both chronic and acute pain. I feel that it is common that we become so wrapped up in the physical descriptions and desires to impress with all of our "stories of survival" that we often exclude the mental mine field that accompanies this type of severe pain. 


My pain reached its peak in the Tuesday evening following the tooth extraction. As the pain slowly increased I began to lower my head and lay flat on the couch in our living room. I remember thinking, "here it comes... breathe". Then it happened. The pain took hold of my empty socket, my jaw, my head, my body, and finally my mind. I lay as still as possible as tears streamed down my face. 


The battle to comfort myself with some perspective was nearly impossible. The overwhelming fear that the pain might not subside or diminish was a thought too horrific to give merit to. It was hard to imagine in this moment what a painless reality felt like. 


I found it remarkably difficult to capture my thoughts under this sort of pain. Any seed of sadness or beginning of negativity took root and sprouted up to an actual fear much quicker than I would normally allow. This was very disconcerting. I quickly realized that physical pain is a gateway to emotional captivity. 


Fighting off fears was a battle I fought with great pride. In looking back, I think I did a decent job of it. As I began to actually heal I began to gain back ground and confidence. I started to feel in control briefly as one ailment began to come under the control of medicine and before the next reared it's ugly face. This pattern of "the next thing" was trying. I felt as though absolutely anything could go wrong. For about an hour on Wednesday I thought I might actually have cancer. Looking back this was not a realistic fear, but it felt real enough.


The healing was painful. As our physical bodies grow back together, are treated, and are put back into place, there is an increase of pain. This is the healing pain. It is actually a good pain, in that wellness cannot be achieved without it. But, at times this feeling can be worse that the original cause of the need to heal. Embracing that pain can be challenging. 


I am sure that I am grateful to have gained great empathy for all those who experience great physical pain. I also have a renewed understanding for the overwhelming effects of fear. In the end I overcame, and said no to the remarkable convenient and tempting victim mentality that faces us when we experience physical symptoms out of our control. This made the whole thing easier to overcome and prevented a greater emotional scar. 


This was a life lesson in resilience, overcoming, and capturing thoughts. Coming out on the other side of the pain I have a decreased fear of child birth, and I am excited that I no longer doubt my ability to cope with physical pain. If given the option I would choose physical agony over emotional. The battle feels less insurmountable and most people understand it. Which is less that I can say about emotional trials. 


Pain is a natural aspect of the human experience. It does cause one to go deeper and stretch further. The greatest weapon to one suffering from physical pain, is perspective: a kind reminder that 'this too shall pass'; a light at the end of the tunnel; hope for the future. 

Body Mind Connection

This week I wanted to continue our "Hour of Art" with a time spent to further purposefully explore some positive emotions. My goal was to spend time priming those positive emotions and participating in some 'unconscious' art expression. I decided to have the women draw a simple stick figure of their bodies and then asked them to circle and label the places that they liked.

It is extraordinarily difficult for women to affirm their physical attributes at all, let alone in front of other women. Most of us practice judging our bodies so frequently that to turn that around and actually look for and speak out the places we like,  feels foreign and backwards. I knew this would be a challenging task for all of the women.

But we did it. All the women found five attributes and shared them with the group. Then we spent the remainder of the time coloring Mandalas. This part was just as challenging as the first because of the patience needed to complete the Mandala. Most of the women had a hard time focusing for that length of time, a few felt that they weren't able to finish, and some needed to take frequent breaks.

The time proved to be both challenging and rewarding. We were able to discuss some difficult topics while coloring. We touched on child hood memories and Father's Day. Women shared about childhood trauma, trips to the ice cream store, and Father's Day memories. Some were pleased to have happy reports of the holiday and others fell silent, while some reported the day to have been very challenging.

The women were very open and vulnerable. They were pleased with their creations and their ability to find places that they loved about themselves physically. We dug deep and reaped much. It was a great day.

 

My Heart

This is my heart. 

I filled it with the things in life that bring me peace, love, joy, courage, strength, etc...

LOVE is featured at the bottom of my heart because LOVE is the most overwhelmingly amazing and powerful emotion I have ever encountered and the very reason I am living a wonderful healthy life today.

Just above that work is a woman with a big poofy dress and top hat. She symbolizes playfulness and dreaming. i think playing pretend is extremely important to personal growth in anyone's childhood including my own, and will always be a source of joyful memory for me. Furthermore playing 'pretend' teaches us how to dream as adults. Something vital to growth and achievement and ultimately happiness. 

To the right of her is a woman in a red dress with outstretched arms, this symbolizes worship. Something very important to me and vital to the health of my heart.

Just above her are several items which bring me joy and are just wonderful little blessings in life: an old tea cup, an old book, an old typwriter. These objects are full of history .... I love history.

A dandilion ripe for the wishing!

Violet wildflowers, an old couple walking in a park. ( Can't wait to do this with my husband one day! ... again dreaming!)

Yellow wildflowers, another tea cup (I imagine it is filled with coffee, since this also brings me joy).

A row of rainboots. Not sure why they make me happy, but they do. Perhaps it's the idea of summer thunderstorms which I've always loved to dance in and play in. 

At the top there is a woman jumping into the air with her arms outstretched. She is filled with joy and excitement. I love this feeling! 

Lastly off the side is a black lace: signifying the beauty of the sacred, ritual, quiet, reflecting moments when to feel life is to sit with others in a quiet room and reflect. 

The peacock is beautiful. The creatures are filled with extravagant beauty. 

These are my secret places of wonder, joy, and love. What are yours?

Health is a Choice!?

What is health? Isn't it different to all of us? Who is healthy? What is healthy for you might be very unhealthy for me, or something I am not able to do.

The three basic components we are mostly concerned with are our bodies, minds, spirits/souls (though very different, they are often treated as the same internal entity).

We are told to feed our bodies nutrients, and to exercise to maintain optimal health. We are encouraged to be educated, well spoken, intelligent, and social, keep our minds growing, and consistently becoming more mature in our thinking and functioning. Our spirits/souls are treated very differently depending on the beliefs and emotional states of our caregivers. (I'll leave this one alone for now.)

To work on your health is to honor your creator and to love yourself and others, in fact. This idea of working toward health can be overwhelming and nearly impossible to someone who is depressed.

Many of the women I work with suffer from varying degrees of depression. Because we are not a treatment facility it can be a challenge to know how to help these women. The catch 22 in this situation is that making healthier choices would actually improve their mental state, but because they are in such poor mental health, making those choices is extraordinarily difficult.

Dr. Lucia Cappacchione is the author of a book called "The Picture of Health". She writes of healing and growth towards health by creative art, art therapy, and art expression. The premise is that sometimes we are unable to face our 'life blocks' or past traumas because we don't know how to, but through art we can safely become aware of many of the unconscious needs and desires we have. Through this we are able to move beyond the present challenge and make steps towards health.

I will begin to try some of these exercises myself and with select women at Coram Deo.

An Hour of Art

Today I facilitated an "Hour of Art" with some of the women at the Recovery Home I am interning with. I decided I wanted to emphasize the healing components of art. So I steered clear of the term "Arts and Crafts", and I made sure to pick a project for our first session that was simple, positive, and to the point.

We made hearts.

Not red hearts like Valentines. We made human hearts.

The assignment to the women was to collage their hearts. I asked them to collage all of the places within their hearts where they had invested peace, love, joy, or hope. Anything positive that gave them reason to be thankful. I also asked them to collage what others had planted in them. Relationships with others are possibly life's single greatest gift. They were asked to collage any or all of these good things that are residing in their hearts.

The women ran in all different directions with the task. They collaged everything from jewels to words like "sugar daddy", "love", and "arise". We sat in a small room in the basement with some background music while we collaged. It wasn't ideal, but it worked for today. There were four women who participated. All of whom seemed fully engaged in the activity and happy to comply with the assignment given.

When we completed our hearts, we shared what the words and symbols signified to each of us and why. This part was revealing, and touching. It's so refreshing to be reminded of the things that makes our lives worth living. And always sobering to see that those 'things' differ vastly from our neighbor's.

It's too early to asses how the art will make a dynamic change in each woman's progress, but the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. We even saw a few tears.

I found myself falling into the serenity that comes with the focused task of simply gluing pictures to a piece of paper. I found myself feeling more relaxed than I had felt all week. I also enjoyed an hour of dwelling on the things in life that I work for, look forward to, and love to experience.

Each woman labored to create today. Each woman spent mental and emotional energy putting to paper what she felt in her heart. There was a purging performed through this exercise. There was revelation today. Some women realized for the first time what actually made her feel positive about living. Some of the women couldn't remember the last time she felt the benefits of any of the emotions or experiences expressed in our hearts. But, each woman was willing to go to that place of joy, or hope, or peace, or love, in order to express it, we had to feel it. So, if for only seconds, we all experienced a taste of the abundance of life this afternoon in a small house in New Britain with nothing more than some old magazines, glue, and the willingness to feel.

(Below are the creations of the day)

THE START OF SOMETHING GOOD...

I began working 2 weeks ago for a recovery home for women. Coram Deo. I am simultaneously taking a class called "Women and Healing" through the University of Connecticut. I will begin to research the creative healing of visual arts and women. I am particularly interested in investigating the effects of engaging in visual art expression in healing women with severe trauma. I expect to be surprised, honored, and to grow exponentially through these experiences. I will be reporting to this blog concerning my personal progress, as well as making public note of the profound experiences and enlightenments I will experience along the way. Here we go.